Culture Shock

So lets be real. I live in a very interesting part of VA… verrrrrry interesting. Good ole’ Roanoke. And because my life is just nuts, my parents decided to move to Richmond. So that is happening. Actually how I found out about that was pretty funny. I got off the plane, had been traveling for like 14 hours or something and crying for most of that time, and my mom goes “Hey honey!! I’m so glad to see you! We bought a house in Richmond today!” Awesome mom. Thank you for that heads up. So boom double culture shock.

Now pretty much I’ve just been lamping around my parents house, annoying them when realators and stuff come over because I am such a bum. To be fair I have applied for a LOT of jobs, both English and French, but no one has called me. So until I get a job, I’m going to be laying out by the poolio in my backyard, drinking wine, and occasionally going for a run. Oh and listening to obscene amounts of country music.

I have yet to venture down to Walmart, because I’m pretty sure I can’t handle that. However, I did go to a clA$$ic Roanoke event, First Fridays, where most of the great unwashed of the city come out to drink some burrs and hit on lonely women. Ill be honest, I saw groups of 30 something women trolling for husbands. You could see the desperation in their eyes. Anyways there was a band who was pretty good. They were a Journey cover band and I’ll be honest I like Journey so that was coolio, or nickel as French people say.

we’re with the band ya’ll be jelz

hottiez

you aren’t steve perry!!! you impostor!! but check out those groupies!

coattails of awesomness

So that has been my life. Yay America! Good Lord someone get me a plane ticket back to France…

Mego In America

Sad but true, I am in America. And I wish I was still in France. But don’t worry, I’m trying to scheme my way into somehow getting back over on that side of the pond by August/September. My new crackpot idea is going to get my Masters Degree there. So… we’ll see how that goes.

Anyways a wrap up of my last week (insert tears here) in France: hanging out. I just hung out all week, bought souvenirs, and pretended I wasn’t leaving. Pretty standard.

But I did spend my last day in Paris with my boyfriend which was super awesome. I did feel bad because I made him drag like 50 kilos of luggage through the streets of Paris, in the rain. I had like 25 kilos I was dragging because for some reason, I accumulated a ton of crap these past 8 months. Idk who knows how that happened. Anyways we spent the afternoon in Montmartre and going to the Sacre Coeur and also Buttes Chaumont. As last days in beautiful amazing countires go, it was nickel! That is what French people say instead of cool.

 

So now I am back in the US and I am sad… somebody give me a job in France!!!!

Crocodiles, Beaches, and…?

So update time! I am now done with work (insert sad face here) so I’ve just been chillin’ like a villain… u kno how I do. Ok that was awkward. Anyways so update! I have been actually having a great few weeks! Last weekend I went to a crocodile farm!!!! If your mind is currently being blown by how awesome a crocodile farm is, your brain is totally right. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! SO. MANY. CROCS. So freaking awesome! I’m not sure why there is a crocodile farm in the middle of France but whatevs, it kicked a$$.

walking in to haunt your dreamz

just letting you think they are lazy, just asking you to come closer…

american alligator… usa! usa! usa!

Then this week I went to the beach in Toulon. Toulon is a port city and has one of France’s naval bases. I visited it for a day in October and I wanted to go back and get  my bronze on. And you better believe I got my bronze on, or should I say burn on. I am fried but in a good way! Except that I couldn’t wear a bra yesterday because my back hurt too much. The price you pay for beauty. Anyways it was beautiful and the food was wonderful. I ate salmon lasagne which was da bomb diggity. I know it sounds weird but it wasn’t it was awesome. I also saw a submarine, and a LOT of naked old grandmas. A lot. Also I spotted an old man playing volleyball in a turquoise speedo, socks, and sneakers. I wish I had taken a picture.

mediteranean coast!!!

check out that submarine yo!! time for france to get her spy on

gettin my bronze on yo

Well on my last days at school, a lot of my kids wrote me letters/cards/etc. and some of them are adorable/funny. Here are some pictures of them:

this girl drew me with a nicki minaj butt… nice

i’m not sure what is going on here but maybe an american disco party? also “amerique” is spelled wrong… amerque what uppp

titanic…why???

french flag, shark fins (requin is shark in french), and virginie (virginia in french)… maybe this is a modernist interpretation of my trip home?

Anyways I’ll be back stateside in 7 days exactly. WIZZEIRD!!! How am I going to continue this blog in the US? Maybe I’ll get clever up in hurr and start talking about food or something. Not that that is super clever but schwatevz. Anyways

Roma Roma Roma!

Rome update!!!

So Rome was super awesome in every way possible. I had an absolutely fabulous fabulous fabulous time!!! 1. It was warm. 2. SO. MUCH. HISTORY. I got my serious nerd on (thanks history degree!) 3. PASTA! PIZZA! Need I say more?

Alright so it was the bomb diggity!!! I just walked around so much and saw as many cool things as I possibly could. I loved the Trevi Fountain and don’t worry, I threw 10 centimes in over my shoulder to ensure that I return to Rome again one day. I think the highlight of my trip may have been taking a nap at Circus Maximus. It’s just a park now but i passed out in the grass for 2 hours one afternoon and it was awesome. I had a little bit of a History nerd freak out, I mean sleeping on the Circus Maximus? Get outa here!

My other cool story is how a waiter at a resaturant passed me love notes and gave me free beer and free tiramisu one afternoon. I ended up kind of drunk at like 3pm from drinking a few pints. Then I thought it’d be a good idea to go to a museum but I learned the hard way that appreciating Renaissance paintings is a lilllll bit hard if you have imbibed. Generally because in all the paintings everyone is naked.

classy

Well anyways here are some photos!!! Enjoy

Vatican City!

Henri

LOL watch this…

Gettin’ Swizzy Wit It

…because I like to pretend I am clever…

Anyhoo Swizz update! The verdict, rain, rain, and more rain. Also FREEZING bahhh. Geneva is super chic so I felt pretty much like a country bumpkin but I guess thats about right considering where I have been living for the past few months haha.

i know im wearing sunglasses but that was just to keep the rain out of my eyez

So Anyways this was an ok part of my trip. The highlight was chillaxin in Lausanne with Kyle doing a gastronomic tour. Basically we ate the BEST kebabs EVER and then I had a real coffee not an espresso, and a smoothie. Boom.  Although I feel bad cuz he was super hungover… apparently Lausanne is a huge party town which is pretty sweet.

Then Sunday I wandereed around Geneva trying not to get frostbite and attempting to be cultural at the same time. I went to some Art History museum where the security guard gave me a free tour cuz he loves America I guess. IDK he just gave me the inside scoop about all the Roman, Greek, and Egyptian pieces.

Also checkout this statue and tell me what is weird about it…

guess why i'm a creepy weird statue...

If you guessed its a young dudes body with the head of an old man then you my friend are correct.

I will say Switzerland is very clean. So it has that going for it. Final verdict? I’m never going back. You win some, you lose some!

don't poop on the sidewalk dogs!

Italy update soon 🙂

creepy reformation museum poster... come to my museum or my beard will curse you!

idk what i need to do to have a statue of me made where i am riding a horse with an eagle on my shoulder but i want to make this a reality

I can’t think of a PC title

So because I’m being a lazy crazy girl (do you like that? I just came up with it boom!) I havn’t uploaded any of my pictures from Switzerland and Italy so I’ll try to get around to those posts (too much fun for 1!) Friday or this weekend. Maybe.

So today at school, in the Spandex King’s class we were talking about the US geography and all the neat things we have in there (Mt. Rushmore bitches!) and when we were talking about Washington DC the Spandex King goes (in French), ” I heard there were a lot of blacks there” I guess because I’m socially awkward, I said ” black what? Cars?” To which he laughed and goes “HA no. People. Anyways, the next city we will look at is Miami, which is filled with Cubans.”

I’m never going to work with such unintentionally funny people ever again.

Hopefully I’ll stop having mental breakdowns about my life this week and update on my vacations which were super! Also if you have a chance and want to watch a really weird French movie, watch “Perfume: the Story of a Murderer” I watched it last night with my boyfriend and it was super weird, the ending especially. ::Shiver:: but it was French so you know it was good. Also Snape is in it sooo… get on it!

 

this is the cutest!!! If I said I want a pup of my own, that would be a huge understatement. If anyone knows any rescues who need a good home in May… hit me up!

No Ruff Days

View original post

Last Minute Advice

As I’m leaving on my Swiss/Italian adventure in an hour, I thought I’d post one little tidbit of advice someone gave me the other day…

Me: I’m going to Switzerland

Person: Oh really? Don’t buy any books there.

Me: Wasn’t planning on it…

Person: Top notch!

ummmm what?

Happy Spring Break!!!!

Just when you think it can’t get weirder, it does.

So we all know France is pretty crazy. It’s one of the reasons I love this country so much, you just never know what is going to happen. This weekend there was a giant fair. If I could compare it to something, it’d be like the Salem Fair in Roanoke in July. So if you have ever been to that well you know… ::shudder:: So think, Salem Fair but in Nyons. So apart from all the rides and the hillbillys coming in from the countryside hollows (you always know exactly who those people are, some things don’t change no matter what country you are in), there was a giant parade both days. In America an Easter parade would probably just be filled with giant bunnies and eggs and chicks and lots of pastel colors.

In France, nothing could be farther from the truth. I saw more people in blackface yesterday than I have seen in my life… Oh and people trying to be Asian… I mean I know people in France are not PC at all, but… REALLY?? And on top of that none of the floats made sense… Homer Simpson, Popeye, Buddah, the Taj Mahal, the Loch Ness Monster complete with children dressed as the Grim Reaper. That one confused me the most… maybe they are trying to say the LNM will eat everyone? Idk but it sprayed water out of its mouth which although cool, was not fun when I dont want it. So I took a bunch of pictures of all the random floats and so voila, here you go!

D'oh!

hey popeye give me summa dat spinach!!!

it's nessie holla!!! notice the people wearing plaid... thats how you know its nessie

scottish grim reaper children? i don't get it...

best blackface i could capture... as far as I can tell thats supposed to be in africa?

taj mahal bitches

another african float... i think? maybe carribean? honestly who knows but that guy looks like hes about to stab the lady with a spear

buddah wishes you a happy easter

my worst nightmare!!! BZZZZZ

I’m all for cultural diversity, but I’m pretty sure this is how you should NOT do it. But on a bright note, there were “American Country Dancers” who preformed a line dance to Luke Bryan’s “Country Girl.” Yee-haw diggity dawg! Still, wondering what this has to do with Easter but eh some things will never be answered.

I also learned a joke in French… BMW in French is pronounced bei-em-doubleh-vei. The word for foot is “pied” pronounced “pe-ei.” I’m sure you see where this is going. Well if you are walking you can say “yeah I took my BM double pied” (doubleh-pe-ei)… GET IT??? Don’t worry it took me a while too but now I know it and boom joke. But I’d probably try to tell it and be really awkward while doing and and everyone would hate me. But thats the price you pay sometimes.

Well in other news, I’m off to SWIZZ aka Switzerland on Friday and Rome on Monday! Can’t wait! Time to get my culture on peeps. Be jelz!

Mego