Crocodiles, Beaches, and…?

So update time! I am now done with work (insert sad face here) so I’ve just been chillin’ like a villain… u kno how I do. Ok that was awkward. Anyways so update! I have been actually having a great few weeks! Last weekend I went to a crocodile farm!!!! If your mind is currently being blown by how awesome a crocodile farm is, your brain is totally right. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! SO. MANY. CROCS. So freaking awesome! I’m not sure why there is a crocodile farm in the middle of France but whatevs, it kicked a$$.

walking in to haunt your dreamz

just letting you think they are lazy, just asking you to come closer…

american alligator… usa! usa! usa!

Then this week I went to the beach in Toulon. Toulon is a port city and has one of France’s naval bases. I visited it for a day in October and I wanted to go back and get  my bronze on. And you better believe I got my bronze on, or should I say burn on. I am fried but in a good way! Except that I couldn’t wear a bra yesterday because my back hurt too much. The price you pay for beauty. Anyways it was beautiful and the food was wonderful. I ate salmon lasagne which was da bomb diggity. I know it sounds weird but it wasn’t it was awesome. I also saw a submarine, and a LOT of naked old grandmas. A lot. Also I spotted an old man playing volleyball in a turquoise speedo, socks, and sneakers. I wish I had taken a picture.

mediteranean coast!!!

check out that submarine yo!! time for france to get her spy on

gettin my bronze on yo

Well on my last days at school, a lot of my kids wrote me letters/cards/etc. and some of them are adorable/funny. Here are some pictures of them:

this girl drew me with a nicki minaj butt… nice

i’m not sure what is going on here but maybe an american disco party? also “amerique” is spelled wrong… amerque what uppp


french flag, shark fins (requin is shark in french), and virginie (virginia in french)… maybe this is a modernist interpretation of my trip home?

Anyways I’ll be back stateside in 7 days exactly. WIZZEIRD!!! How am I going to continue this blog in the US? Maybe I’ll get clever up in hurr and start talking about food or something. Not that that is super clever but schwatevz. Anyways


I can’t think of a PC title

So because I’m being a lazy crazy girl (do you like that? I just came up with it boom!) I havn’t uploaded any of my pictures from Switzerland and Italy so I’ll try to get around to those posts (too much fun for 1!) Friday or this weekend. Maybe.

So today at school, in the Spandex King’s class we were talking about the US geography and all the neat things we have in there (Mt. Rushmore bitches!) and when we were talking about Washington DC the Spandex King goes (in French), ” I heard there were a lot of blacks there” I guess because I’m socially awkward, I said ” black what? Cars?” To which he laughed and goes “HA no. People. Anyways, the next city we will look at is Miami, which is filled with Cubans.”

I’m never going to work with such unintentionally funny people ever again.

Hopefully I’ll stop having mental breakdowns about my life this week and update on my vacations which were super! Also if you have a chance and want to watch a really weird French movie, watch “Perfume: the Story of a Murderer” I watched it last night with my boyfriend and it was super weird, the ending especially. ::Shiver:: but it was French so you know it was good. Also Snape is in it sooo… get on it!


Stories You Won’t Believe

Sometimes you hear stories and you are just like “there is no way that is true” but then it turns out that it really is. My dad tells me these things the most I think. None are coming to mind right now though. But occasionally here in France I hear these stories and I think, “is it the fact that I don’t understand French, or is this story just really strange?” Then I think some more and I realize that I understand all the words, that the story is just THAT crazy. Wanna hear one of these stories? I heard one today… Also I realize I’m publishing this on April 1st but this is not a joke ( I swear!)

So Stephanie and I had lunch at Martine’s house with a boring British couple who I have some interesting theories on (that are irrelevant to this story), and Martine’s son who is 28, and of course her husband. Anyways so her son says “yeah I had a really interesting night last night” which Nyons is pretty tame so of course I’m curious at this point. He then continues “well my friend came to visit from Lyon, and he drank all afternoon and lost the keys to his car. Then because he was drunk, he decided to harass some pizza restaurant workers, and then sneak into his old bosses’s garden and cause some mayhem. But obviously they heard him and called the police, and it turns out he had a knife on him so he got taken to jail. We bailed him out and then went to the bar and then this morning he realized that he still doesn’t have his keys. We called everyone we know to see if his keys were around but no one has them. He has to go to Paris tomorrow too… He is coming back next weekend to get his car, but it is in a paying spot so he is going to get a lot of parking tickets…”

This is the kind of person that makes me wonder, how did you survive this long in life? I wasn’t totally sure that this is what actually happened but Stephanie said that no that is really what happened. Another question I have to ask is, where was Martine’s son when this guy was sneaking into gardens and trying to cambriolage sheesh? Cuz her son is realllllly calm and level-headed… alas that is a mystery that will not be solved.

I also tried boudin noir at Martine’s today. I thought I was going to throw up onto the table but that would have been rude. Wikipedia defines boudin noir, as ” a dark-hued blood sausage, containing pork, pig blood, and other ingredients.” Maybe my palate just isn’t taht refined, but I’m seriously gagging as I write this. Have fun with that image!

mmmm sausage…