LOL watch this…
So I was working with the Spandex King on a family/description/random unit. I’m confused about what the theme was. But at some point it turned into descriptions. I’m just going to put it out there that I’m really bad at describing people in English. I tend to describe people by “fat, skinny, tall, and not tall” and then usually what they are wearing. I don’t properly utilise the English language. Anyways the SK is the same age as my dad (mid 50s) but I thought he was like 70 for the longest time until he randomly told me what year he was born, which was kind of a weird conversation. The fact that hes 55ish and I thought he was 70 should tell you something.
So we had just revised the descriptor words (big, small, tall, thin, fat, ugly, beautiful, old, young) and then SK looks at me and goes “describe me.” I was like oh no… Because how do you be polite when you call someone old? So because I’m horrifyingly awkward sometimes, I go “well um you are tall…i guess… um you have blue eyes… um and you are wearing a red sweater and black shoes” He looks at me and goes “that was actually horrible” well gee thanks…
Then one of the students start to describe him and the student goes “you have white hair” to which he FREAKED out. He was like, “WHITE HAIR!!!! I DO NOT HAVE WHITE HAIR!!! Meaghan what color is my hair??” which to be honest, his hair is that weird blonde/gray/white color that happens once you turn 50 and you were blonde back in the day. So what do you say to someone who might be in denial about their age?
The SK is staring at me and I’m just standing there like WHAT THE HELL DO I DO, so because I’m awkward, I stuttered out “um maybe it is kind of sorta whiteish grayish blonde?” Then I realized he didn’t understand my butchering of English “kind of sorta wihiteish” meant nothing to him because those are words and expressions he has never heard. All he heard was “blonde” and that was all he needed to hear. He goes “see class? I am not old, I am beautiful with blonde hair! Strong too!”
If you say so Spandex King, if you say so.
Todayone of my students found out he was taller than me, now I am “la petite Meaghan” awesome. I also saw the FATTEST basset hound I’ve ever seen in my life EVER today on my run, easily 80 lbs. It was also awesome but in a way awesome-er way. Check out this link to basset hounds running because it will make your day.
Anyways I’ve been very cultural lately, you would be proud. Last week on Wednesday I went to Mt. Ventoux, and Vaison la Romaine a town nearby with one of my collegues and a German girl working in one of my schools named Bettina. Mt. Ventoux you might recall is one of the hardest mountain climbs in Le Tour de France (Lance Armstrong whatuppp) and I actually saw some guy wearing a US Postal Service jersey biking up it while we drove. No way to know if he was real or not but maybe? It was a lovely day, we pic-nic-ed and just meandered. And by real I mean like actually on the team, obviously he was a real dude.
Over the weekend I invited Bettina and Mathanee down for a visit so that was a fun weekend, just hanging with the girls. It was probably the closest thing to a college weekend I’ve done in a while. AKA it kicked a$$. It wasn’t really cultural because we all just got drunk for St. Patrick’s day… you can’t get an English girl, a German girl, and an American girl together and NOT have that happen… I think all three are known for their love and appreciation of a good beer. And St. Patrick’s day is definitely not remotely French so we’ll just call that an opening of international frontiers, paving the way for the future.
But we did get cultural, I gave both Bettina and Mathanee the Tour de Nyons, full of history, facts, and cute cats. It was pretty awesome.
Then to get even mo cultural on yo booty, yesterday I went to Lyon, the second largest city in France and the capitol of the region I live in (Rhône-Alpes). Lyon was MAD COOL!!! I took lots of pictas. There are two rivers that run though it, an ancient Roman amphitheatre (where we pic-nic-ed) a cool basilica, a giant cathedral (why they need both idk), an “old town,” a fake Eiffel Tower, and some really cool architecture. Here are some photos:
I also bought some Barbapapa postcards so BOOM.
All in all? I think this has been a very culturally productive past few weeks! Nothing too cray has been going on at schoolio, just the usual bizniss.Although I did get inspected by the education inspector of the area on Tuesday when I had a fever. It went as well as you could expect that to go but ooooo wellz, he is a nice guy and I know he likes me and thinks I’m doing a good job.
Tomorrow: HUNGER GAMES HOLY SDKFSALJKDLAFKSJFASLDKALSDKFJA CANT WAIT.
On that note, I leave you
So I havn’t updated any RB stories recently. All has been quiet on that front for the past few weeks, until today that is. Unfortunately this isn’t a funny story. He made me mad. Like really mad.
We are doing a food unit for his class and he was like “lets do frites” frites being french fries. I go yeah cool ok french fries and he looks at me and goes “no chips” and I go “no chips are the same in America as they are here” and he goes “yes but in England frites are chips” and I go “yes I know but I’m not from England.”
He stops, looks me right in the eye and goes “are they paying you to come here and be American? no they are paying you to come here and be British so thats what you better teach in my class.” UM EXCUSE ME… I’m sorry but I was really offended by this. I’ve never been to freaking England much less learned British English. I have a president not a queen and I’m never going to speak British English. In fact it generally sounds wrong to me, but that is just my opinion.
What do you say to someone that has just insulted your nationality? I think he knew he pissed me off. I fumed the rest of the class but didn’t say anything. What could I say? I’m just a transient worker, hes been there for like 20 years. So, moral of the story is: if you are American, pretend to be British. JK that’s stupid. If you are whatever you are, be that proudly and don’t let anyone bring you down!
So kids are funny. I think thats why I like working with them. Some of them are little terrors and I do not enjoy working with those ones but the rest of them… It’s awesome! So yesterday was pretty funny since I was at my favorite school and those kids are the best. The Spandex King just didn’t show up for school, not sure why, so all of his kids got put in with the little ones in the other classes (he has the equivalent of 5th grade). During the time for our hour of English, I got all of them together and we went in an empty classroom to do English time, except that I had nothing prepared and none of his materials that we have been working on.
I was thinking ok these kids are like 11 so they are totally going to want to learn cool things, not like lamesauce things like “I want beans and sausage on toast for breakfast.” As a sidenote, we did learn that. But most of them are Muslim so they can’t eat sausage so… riddle me that one people. So I say to them “alright do you guys even like English class? I think it’s kind of boring we can learn fun things today what do you want to learn?” Of course one kid stands up and is like “GROS MOTS!!!!” aka curse words. I was like no not in a million years, I’m fun but I’m not that fun. So one kid is like “can we learn how to count to 100” which I figured they already knew so we just worked on numbers for an hour which was not cool or fun. I failed at being the cool teacha. Anyways at one point, another kid stands up on the desk and started dancing. My reaction is to laugh at this because I mean it’s funny.
The one girl in the entire class (there was only 10 since a lot of them just went home) goes “ugh seriously? Can you sit down? SOME of us are trying to learn here!” To which the dancing kid goes “Shut the F up, I do what I want!” and then asked me to marry him. Am I a terrible terrible teacher for not doing anything about this? Probably. But… it was funny! I did tell him to stop saying mean things and that we were there to learn and that no I was not going to marry him so could he please sit down. Boom. Teacher smackdown (kinda).
Next I had my little little ones in CP aka kindergarten. They are just SO adorable. When the teacher’s back was turned, one of them a little redheaded boy stands up and goes “I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!!!” and wiggled his hips then sat back down. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. Bahahahaha I’m still laughing about it now. I wish I had it on video… MTV this is why I need my own show!!!
Last week i brought in some dollar bills to show the kids because I figured they have never seen dollars before, which I was right. One kid then starts talking to me about the Civil War… I don’t know many 3rd graders in America who know much about the Civil War, much less kids in France. But this kid totally schooled me on my Civil War history. Where did he learn it? Oh just in a Belgian comic about the Civil War… Let your minds be blown!!!
In other news there will be a bake sale tomorrow at one of my schools to fund their trip to Germany. If you are wondering to yourself if I am going to miss that bake sale the answer is NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. I don’t miss American bake sales because I mean HELLO they are awesome, I can’t even imagine how AH-MAZINGGG a French bake sale is going to be. YUM
Anyway thats about it around here, I will leave you with a picture of a cat in a wheelbarrow because… Why not??? The internet needs more pictures of cats.
POST-EDIT: I was informed by a real Francophone that the following French phrase I will discuss does not actually mean what I thought it did. Clearly my potential future as a translator is questionable. However he did clairify that it was rude and fairly terrible. Anyways the story revolves around what I thought was being said… enjoy!
It’s not very nice. It, like most interactions I have with my teachers started off quite innocently and then it got weird. With the Spandex King, we are working on an animal unit and making up sentences for the animals. Example: bears like honey. Innocent right? We get to a hippopotamus and he wants the kids to say “Hippos have big mouths” which is also very innocent. He then looks at me and goes, “do you know what we would say in French?” and I was like “umm bouche?” [French word for mouth] and he was like “Ha ha ha ha no no no, we would say ‘gueule'” which made all the children snicker. Because I’m a crazy foreigner I was like um what is the joke I don’t get it? One child then screams out “Ferme ta gueule!” which means more or less, “shut the fudge up” except replace the dge with ck.
What was the response of the Spandex King? He goes “yes, it is a very bad word if you say it like that. But if you say it about an animal then it is ok.” I’m sorry, a child just dropped an F BOMB in class how do you NOT respond to that? When I was ten we were punished for saying “oh my God” (thanks catholic school!) by having to write the Ten Commandments over and over… dropping an F bomb would have meant suspension. Sometimes France just amazes me. Anyways, I’m now adding this to my repetoire of French insults of which I’ll never use but now know. I’m now at 2. Yay for language progression? Hmmm debateable.
In other news, IT SNOWED TODAY!!!!!!
It is supposed to keep snowing for the next few days so hopefully if that happens I will take some betta pics. I snapped these on my way to work this afternoon.
Also on Friday night I hung out with my real French friend! YAY!!! French friends are hard to find, they are elusive like a unicorn. But I think its official, I have my first real French friend! Her name is either Leslie or Eleslie, I don’t know. I know, I look like a terrible person BUT when she gave me her number she said to me, “my name is Eleslie with an E at the begining everyone spells it wrong.” Then I typed it into my phone, showed her and was like “this ok?” and her response was “perfect!” BUT she texted Stephanie the other day and spelled it “Leslie.” I’M CONFUSED. Eitherway, she is still an official French friend because she has since texted me wanting to hang out! Progress. I’m just going to avoid ever saying her name and say things like “hey girl!” It’ll make it easier.
Thats bout it round here… Be back Stateside soon! But first, bring on Spain… Ay Caramba!