Accidental Insults


So I was working with the Spandex King on a family/description/random unit. I’m confused about what the theme was. But at some point it turned into descriptions. I’m just going to put it out there that I’m really bad at describing people in English. I tend to describe people by “fat, skinny, tall, and not tall” and then usually what they are wearing. I don’t properly utilise the English language. Anyways the SK is the same age as my dad (mid 50s) but I thought he was  like 70 for the longest time until he randomly told me what year he was born, which was kind of a weird conversation. The fact that hes 55ish and I thought he was 70 should tell you something.

So we had just revised the descriptor words (big, small, tall, thin, fat, ugly, beautiful, old, young) and then SK looks at me and goes “describe me.” I was like oh no… Because how do you be polite when you call someone old? So because I’m horrifyingly awkward sometimes, I go “well um you are tall…i guess… um you have blue eyes… um and you are wearing a red sweater and black shoes” He looks at me and goes “that was actually horrible” well gee thanks…

Then one of the students start to describe him and the student goes “you have white hair” to which he FREAKED out. He was like, “WHITE HAIR!!!! I DO NOT HAVE WHITE HAIR!!! Meaghan what color is my hair??” which to be honest, his hair is that weird blonde/gray/white color that happens once you turn 50 and you were blonde back in the day. So what do you say to someone who might be in denial about their age?

The SK is staring at me and I’m just standing there like WHAT THE HELL DO I DO, so because I’m awkward, I stuttered out “um maybe it is kind of sorta whiteish grayish blonde?” Then I realized he didn’t understand my butchering of English “kind of sorta  wihiteish” meant nothing to him because those are words and expressions he has never heard. All he heard was “blonde” and that was all he needed to hear. He goes “see class? I am not old, I am beautiful with blonde hair! Strong too!”

If you say so Spandex King, if you say so.

Mego

Here is a random picture of a grotto in Avignon... just because

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It’s War


I’m in a full fledged, balls to the wall, all out war against the formidable enemy of one, maybe two ant colonies. I don’t care what it takes, those suckers are going down. I dont understand how people have ant farms in their houses. That is just asking for trouble. Anyways, the little bastards have taken over my entryway/door and yarn cupboard, and my bathroom. I bought those ant killer houses, which are helping but it is time to get serious. This girl sprayed some sheesh up in here yesterday which killed some of them but it is not enough. Also even though she sprayed the entryway and shower/bathroom area only, she looks at me and goes ” so maybe you should be more careful about food and then you wouldn’t have this problem” I looked her right in the face adn said “yes because I really enjoy eating in my shower” like if the ants were in my food cupboards, table, or around food at all… yeah i’d agree. But my yarn cupboard? My shower??? Explain that one lady.

I was explaining the ant problem to the Spandex King and he thought it was amusing. Then he goes, “you want to know what i do? I buy a ton of arsenic and just put it all over the outside of my house, windows, doors, pretty much anywhere you can think I put it there. Though I don’t know if you could buy arsenic… you’d probably have to go to a lot of shops” um EXCUSE ME. He literally said he just puts ARSENIC all over his house…  how is he alive? Another teacher who was sitting there for this exchange was like “I can’t believe you do that” and he was like “well why don’t YOU do it?” and she looks at him like sh is about to slap him and goes “umm because I have children thats why. Im not trying to poison them” He then looks at me and goes, ” well Meaghan you don’t have kids so you should definitely put arsenic all over.” Um thanks for the advice but I think I’ll just buy some Raid…

Also these ants are going down because I stabbed myself in the thumb with a fork trying to open one of those damn ant killing houses. It hurts like a, well you know. I didn’t know a fork could do so much damage. At 7am, that is not what I want to be happening… because thats when I did it. Awesome.

Today in other news, I babysat for Cesar and Paloma. At one point, Paloma looks at me and goes, “you speak funny French” I was like hahaha oh you are so silly! We listened to music and danced almost all morning. It was super fun!

Thats all hizzere!

Mego

Chitlins


So kids are funny. I think thats why I like working with them. Some of them are little terrors and I do not enjoy working with those ones but the rest of them… It’s awesome! So yesterday was pretty funny since I was at my favorite school and those kids are the best. The Spandex King just didn’t show up for school, not sure why, so all of his kids got put in with the little ones in the other classes (he has the equivalent of 5th grade). During the time for our hour of English, I got all of them together and we went in an empty classroom to do English time, except that I had nothing prepared and none of his materials that we have been working on.

I was thinking ok these kids are like 11 so they are totally going to want to learn cool things, not like lamesauce things like “I want beans and sausage on toast for breakfast.” As a sidenote, we did learn that. But most of them are Muslim so they can’t eat sausage so… riddle me that one people. So I say to them “alright do you guys even like English class? I think it’s kind of boring we can learn fun things today what do you want to learn?” Of course one kid stands up and is like “GROS MOTS!!!!” aka curse words. I was like no not in a million years, I’m fun but I’m not that fun. So one kid is like “can we learn how to count to 100” which I figured they already knew so we just worked on numbers for an hour which was not cool or fun. I failed at being the cool teacha. Anyways at one point, another kid stands up on the desk and started dancing. My reaction is to laugh at this because I mean it’s funny.

The one girl in the entire class (there was only 10 since a lot of them just went home) goes “ugh seriously? Can you sit down? SOME of us are trying to learn here!” To which the dancing kid goes “Shut the F up, I do what I want!” and then asked me to marry him. Am I a terrible terrible teacher for not doing anything about this? Probably. But… it was funny! I did tell him to stop saying mean things and that we were there to learn and that no I was not going to marry him so could he please sit down. Boom. Teacher smackdown (kinda).

Next I had my little little ones in CP aka kindergarten. They are just SO adorable. When the teacher’s back was turned, one of them a little redheaded boy stands up and goes “I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!!!” and wiggled his hips then sat back down. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. Bahahahaha I’m still laughing about it now. I wish I had it on video… MTV this is why I need my own show!!!

Last week i brought in some dollar bills to show the kids because I figured they have never seen dollars before, which I was right. One kid then starts talking to me about the Civil War… I don’t know many 3rd graders in America who know much about the Civil War, much less kids in France. But this kid totally schooled me on my Civil War history. Where did he learn it? Oh just in a Belgian comic about the Civil War… Let your minds be blown!!!

so for some reason it wouldn't let me turn this but hey here's the cover of Les Tuniques Bleues aka The Blue Coats

back cover, look at those unionists!

Les Bleues doing something... I didn't actually read this

In other news there will be a bake sale tomorrow at one of my schools to fund their trip to Germany. If you are wondering to yourself if I am going to miss that bake sale the answer is NOT IN  A MILLION YEARS. I don’t miss American bake sales because I mean HELLO they are awesome, I can’t even imagine how AH-MAZINGGG a French bake sale is going to be. YUM

Anyway thats about it around here,  I will leave you with a picture of a cat in a wheelbarrow because… Why not??? The internet needs more pictures of cats.

i can haz ur moniez?