Accidental Insults


So I was working with the Spandex King on a family/description/random unit. I’m confused about what the theme was. But at some point it turned into descriptions. I’m just going to put it out there that I’m really bad at describing people in English. I tend to describe people by “fat, skinny, tall, and not tall” and then usually what they are wearing. I don’t properly utilise the English language. Anyways the SK is the same age as my dad (mid 50s) but I thought he was  like 70 for the longest time until he randomly told me what year he was born, which was kind of a weird conversation. The fact that hes 55ish and I thought he was 70 should tell you something.

So we had just revised the descriptor words (big, small, tall, thin, fat, ugly, beautiful, old, young) and then SK looks at me and goes “describe me.” I was like oh no… Because how do you be polite when you call someone old? So because I’m horrifyingly awkward sometimes, I go “well um you are tall…i guess… um you have blue eyes… um and you are wearing a red sweater and black shoes” He looks at me and goes “that was actually horrible” well gee thanks…

Then one of the students start to describe him and the student goes “you have white hair” to which he FREAKED out. He was like, “WHITE HAIR!!!! I DO NOT HAVE WHITE HAIR!!! Meaghan what color is my hair??” which to be honest, his hair is that weird blonde/gray/white color that happens once you turn 50 and you were blonde back in the day. So what do you say to someone who might be in denial about their age?

The SK is staring at me and I’m just standing there like WHAT THE HELL DO I DO, so because I’m awkward, I stuttered out “um maybe it is kind of sorta whiteish grayish blonde?” Then I realized he didn’t understand my butchering of English “kind of sorta  wihiteish” meant nothing to him because those are words and expressions he has never heard. All he heard was “blonde” and that was all he needed to hear. He goes “see class? I am not old, I am beautiful with blonde hair! Strong too!”

If you say so Spandex King, if you say so.

Mego

Here is a random picture of a grotto in Avignon... just because

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It’s War


I’m in a full fledged, balls to the wall, all out war against the formidable enemy of one, maybe two ant colonies. I don’t care what it takes, those suckers are going down. I dont understand how people have ant farms in their houses. That is just asking for trouble. Anyways, the little bastards have taken over my entryway/door and yarn cupboard, and my bathroom. I bought those ant killer houses, which are helping but it is time to get serious. This girl sprayed some sheesh up in here yesterday which killed some of them but it is not enough. Also even though she sprayed the entryway and shower/bathroom area only, she looks at me and goes ” so maybe you should be more careful about food and then you wouldn’t have this problem” I looked her right in the face adn said “yes because I really enjoy eating in my shower” like if the ants were in my food cupboards, table, or around food at all… yeah i’d agree. But my yarn cupboard? My shower??? Explain that one lady.

I was explaining the ant problem to the Spandex King and he thought it was amusing. Then he goes, “you want to know what i do? I buy a ton of arsenic and just put it all over the outside of my house, windows, doors, pretty much anywhere you can think I put it there. Though I don’t know if you could buy arsenic… you’d probably have to go to a lot of shops” um EXCUSE ME. He literally said he just puts ARSENIC all over his house…  how is he alive? Another teacher who was sitting there for this exchange was like “I can’t believe you do that” and he was like “well why don’t YOU do it?” and she looks at him like sh is about to slap him and goes “umm because I have children thats why. Im not trying to poison them” He then looks at me and goes, ” well Meaghan you don’t have kids so you should definitely put arsenic all over.” Um thanks for the advice but I think I’ll just buy some Raid…

Also these ants are going down because I stabbed myself in the thumb with a fork trying to open one of those damn ant killing houses. It hurts like a, well you know. I didn’t know a fork could do so much damage. At 7am, that is not what I want to be happening… because thats when I did it. Awesome.

Today in other news, I babysat for Cesar and Paloma. At one point, Paloma looks at me and goes, “you speak funny French” I was like hahaha oh you are so silly! We listened to music and danced almost all morning. It was super fun!

Thats all hizzere!

Mego

Believed Ham and Crystallized Plug


WOW! Sorry, long time no write. I’m sure all you avid readers (cough my parents cough) are dying to know what I have been up to recently. The good news is LOTS of fun things and I have lots of funny stories to tell so you are in luck (quelle chance!)!! My title is from a menu that Stephanie found in Nyons… the owner tried to have translations of meals in English and this was one that I found. Another favorite was “vagueness of St. Jacques on his crawfish beach” which really meant like clams on crawfish but hey to each their own crappy English translation LOL. I told Stephanie that I’m going to tell the owner that if he gives me free dinner one night I’ll redo his translations so that they actually make sense. If he says no well then it is funny and if he says yes then holla free dinner!

YUM I definitely want "vagueness of St. Jacques" in my belly!

I also started my first week of school last week. I worked two days, what horror! Ha just kidding it was awesome. I think I’ll be working something like half days Mondays and Thursdays and all day Tuesday. My life is awesome! The schools are pretty cool they are just basically like “talk about America” so I tell the kids things like we do nothing but play sports and eat McDonalds erryday and drive SUVs because we have nothing better to do with out time. Just kidding! I do talk a lot about sports though and for some reason spend an inordinate amount of time explaining that America is NOT England. That however has gone right over most children and teachers heads. In one class the teacher said “Alright you are from America you know English, here explain this map of England to the kids.” That ended with a bunch of 10 year olds staring at me like “who the hell is this girl and what is she talking about?” because I stood up there and looked like an idiot. I don’t know the first thing about England’s geography. I said things like “well here are some rivers and that is London and Scotland is at the top and Ireland is over there and yup that’s all you need to know…”

The kids are pretty funny though. One class asked me if, since I lived in America, I knew any rappers. I was like no but I live like 6 hours away from ATL (durrty souf) which is where T.I., Jermaine Dupri, Usher, and Justin Bieber (I’m a biebliever don’t hate), all live. The girls immediately started screaming “JUSTIN BIEBER!!!!” and then asked me if I knew him. I said no but that didn’t stop one girl writing me a love letter on the back of her math notes for him. She asked me to give it to him the next time I go to his house (where she got that out of the conversation I don’t know). The note is written in terrible French and doesn’t really make sense. She says things like “I live near a ‘pisseria’ that you can see my mom from at my house” and that she lives in “nionce.” She also misspelled his name. Before you jump to conclusions and say “oh but it is just a child!” I will say to you she was 10 and I feel like 10 year olds should be able to spell the city that they live in haha.

Justin Bibere pleese come to nionce!!!!! We can eat pissa!

On Friday my friend Mika came to visit and it was super fun. We went out with Stephanie to our fav club called La Ruelle and it was fun. Naturally since I love clubs I am now becoming bffs with the manager and bartenders. SW33T LYFE. Also I’d like to point out that it is our favorite club because it is literally the only thing open past 10:30pm in town. Anyways, the next morning I had to pack for our stage (orientation/learn how to teach/seminar/truc idk) in Grenoble since Stephanie decided to do a weekend in Grenoble before the stage. Unfortunately packing hungover is not conducive to bringing things that one might actually need. I managed to bring an iPOD cord, my charger for my computer, and hairbrush but forgot underwear, pajamas, and enough clothes to wear. I had to buy underwear and PJs in Grenoble. Grenoble was fun though, we couch surfed with a young guy who was nice but a little odd but he was nice for letting us stay so I can’t really complain. We also hiked to the top of the Bastille, which was AH-MAZING!!!!!!

Str8 illin with Mika at La Ruelle the most bumpin club in Drome!I didn't photoshop myself in

I didn't photoshop myself in, I promise this is real

Our stage started yesterday and was in a building downtown somewhere and then they bused us up to the Vercors mountains to a town called Autrans. It was super cute! BUT we managed to miss the bus. YUP we missed the bus and were chauffeured up by a nice lady working for the department of education. Embarrassing, yet awesome because tour buses are kind of smelly and weird. Anyways after dinner last night Stephanie and I wandered into town and went to some bar. The manager started talking to us and showed us a bunch of pictures of himself with Prince Albert of Monaco playing petanque together (sidenote: petanque is basically bocce ball but French). I don’t think I really believe that they are bffs or else he wouldn’t be working in a ski town bar, but the pictures looked real enough. Also he was like kind of really old.

Sad faces... bus missed!

Well I’m pretty sure that’s the update… France is getting weirder by the day! I’m sure I’ll have more stories about the chitlins as soon as I start spending more time with them. I’m excited because this week is when our fall break starts and I am heading to Thionville to visit Natalie for a few days then hopefully to Marseille with Mika and Stephanie for the end of it. FRANCE GIVE ME MY PAYCHECK so I am not poor/ using all my savings…  Well until next time avid readers, go and eat some believed ham for me!

Grand Bis

Meaghan

Juice box wine HOLLA